A Very Spooky 'Murican Halloween
by ObeytheCupcake
Summary: But that didn't matter since he was here and a live. Well, he can't exactly die, either. So he placed it onto the table while (Name) and Alfred sitting on either side of the table. "Wow! It's like a witchcraft fun kit on my table!" Alfred cheered, but then he realized something. "Oh…on my fucking table." He propped his head up with his hand. "In god we fucking trust, Arthur. "


Clicking of the keyboard entered into his ears while he scrolled along the page of Ebay. He wasn't interested in buying anything; he'd rather browse anyways. Alfred would constantly browse the pages of Ebay and would actually end up buying an item he thought he'd need but in the end, he would toss it in his closet with the rest of his unwanted belongings since in a way that was the American way.

Today, though, his search consisted of penis enlargers. And he told himself that he was not going to buy one but at the moment he found himself adding one of the products into his cart.

But he hit the wrong button which resulted into him falling into the other items the seller had within their store. And as Alfred continued to browse, he noticed something that stood out to him. This link was shouting right at him, the words saying 'GOOD CURSED DOLL'

Alfred's blue eyes widened as he found himself, absentmindedly, click on the link to see the doll. He saw the price, it being seventy-five dollars plus ten dollars shipping. His eyes then trailed to the image of the doll. He nearly cringed, seeing that it had one brown eye and another blue one which automatically caused him to remember a dog from the summer of '98. But its plastic hair was a redeeming factor since it had reddish hair like Sally from the Nightmare Before Christmas.

He was hooked.

Not reading the description, he immediately added it to his cart with his penis enlargement supplement once he went back and fixed it. Alfred was excited since his penis would enlarge and he'll have a helpful ghost, like Casper, to assist him on a few things around the house while he is on bed rest from injecting himself with a syringe.

One of the things he would make his girlfriend, (Name) do would be going to the drycleaners to retrieve his brown leather jacket with the few sown on badges. Alfred's reasoning was that was the only jacket he had, and he didn't want the cold weather to 'Give me perky nips' as he would say. And since the ghost would be coming over to help out, he concluded that Casper could go get it for him.

Alfred grabbed the phone and dialed a number. Once the ringing on the other end was replaced with a small 'Hello?' he smiled. "Guess what I just bought?"

"Please, don't say it's another dick enlarger." His brother, Matthew begged.

Rolling his eyes and chuckling, Alfred said "But I gotta enlarge the shlong. Anyway, I bought a haunted doll."

All Alfred heard was Matthew's small gasp, then a pause. "Are you fucking stupid? I mean, have you ever heard of that doll Robert? What about Annabel? That one's popular over in the states!"

Alfred laughed his typical laugh, kicking his feet up on top of the desk and leaned back in his chair. "But this one's goodly cursed, like Casper." He reinsured but Matthew wasn't too convinced. "Remember Casper? Remember when he went to school with that one vampire asshole kid? I do; I will always remember. I need to do this doll a solid."

"Whatever, Alfred." Matthew knew his brother wasn't very smart, but assuming all the many horror movies he's watched, he would at least think that he would have the knowledge not to mess with spirits and such. When Arthur had them in his custody, he would explain why you shouldn't mess with darker forces. But Alfred never listened; just read the newspapers 'funnies' which were never funny; just political cartoons that he'd never understand. But Matthew had a plan in order to protect his brother. "Just tell me when you get this doll." He asked.

Alfred nodded his head as if he could see. "Yeah! I will! Bye." He said as they both hung up. "Stupid Matthew." He said once he pulled the phone away from him and placed it by his feet.

~

He was at WalMart earlier picking up the usual items of the everyday American household. Every other day he would run to the store to pick up some BB guns, some more ammo, assault rifles, and Blue Bunny Vanilla ice cream. It was artificially flavored, so that meant some of the flavoring had come from the anal glands of a beaver but Alfred put that beside him since he thought it was delicious and wished he could taste as such.

Not saying he's tried his bitter butt juice, but it doesn't take a wise man not to know.

And when he grabbed his bags from the back of the car, he saw that his front door was open. "That's weird." He said while walking towards the door, opening the glass door that he was positive he locked. "I usually make a habit of locking my door; why would it be open?"

It's true; he did make it a habit to lock his doors whenever he would leave due to the occasional wild Russian that would occasionally find himself inside the home. Alfred would always asking 'Don't you have something better to do than play with my gas pipes?' to which Ivan would reply 'Watching you home go bye-bye.' He wouldn't say anything after that. He would always call Natalia to come over and retrieve the semi-drunk bear-man from his house.

Alfred opened the door and then threw his bags onto the floor, cringing. "Oh my god!" He shouted while he ran to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of vanilla lavender frebreeze and started to spray it everywhere while he held his nose tightly between his pale fingers.

His home smelled terrible; and that was just an underestimate. It smelled like old meat; beef if you will.

And as Alfred went into the living room, he saw that there was a box on the table. Excitedly, he grabbed the box and shook it, realizing that it was his own, personal Casper. And once he figured out it was his Casper doll, he concluded that the smell was from the FedEx man who had taken an aggressive bathroom break in his bathroom.

Putting that aside, he walked over to his knives to rip open the packaging and saw that were gone. He stood there, scratching his head while he said "Oh, I guess I was robbed."

But he knew he didn't have any scissors either since there was a small predicament last week with an infamous blowup doll who kept falling down in his closet. The doll wouldn't sit still in the closet while he clung to his girlfriend in the night. So, while (Name) was sleeping, he hopped up and took it out of the closet quickly, punched it in the plastic face, grabbed the scissors from in the kitchen and stabbed it where the temple would be if it was a human. And afterwards, in a frustration induced haze, he accidently threw the scissors away.

But he had two blowup dolls so it was okay.

Alfred laughs about it still since the dolls face looked like it was shocked the whole time.

But what was he to do? Without any scissors or knives, how was he to open the box and relieve the doll from its confinement?

And then, the blonde hero had a bright idea, so he took the box and sat it outside on the somewhat green grass and patted on the box, lovingly. "Just stay here, Casper. I'll get ya out soon." He informed while walking into his room where and grabbed one of his BB guns he already owned and went back outside where the doll was.

Once he aimed the BB gun for the middle of the box, he began to shoot. His goal was to make a hole big enough where he could stick his hands through and grab the strange eyed doll.

But after five minutes of the activity is when he realized that this was a terrible idea.

"Shit!" He shouted while he tossed the BB gun onto the ground and reached for the box with many holes embedded into the cardboard. "I'm so stupid! I'm so sorry, Casper!" He ran back into the house and into the kitchen, placing the box onto the countertop while he went to the fridge.

He knew the doll was going to be even uglier than before, so what he wanted to do was offer it a new object that it can inhabit while living in the house with him. What he would give as an offering, though, was up in the air since he didn't know what the ghost would like.

Alfred wasn't too sure if the ghost would ever tell him either since this is one of the worst first impressions he could ever muster.

But then, the front door opened. "Oh, dear lawd." He heard (Name) say, gagging while she took a smell of the air. "What the hell is that smell?"

Alfred turned around from the fridge. "The FedEx guy came in."

She walked into the kitchen with Alfred. " And blew up our bathroom?" He nodded his head while he turned it back to the fridge. (Name) took the box into her hands, looking through the holes.

Not seeing anything, she inched it closer to her face, looking into the darkness that the box caused inside of it. And once she moved it up closer, she saw one of the doll's blue eyes start to shine. Spooked the fuck out, she sat it back onto the counter, thinking it was her mind playing tricks with her. "W-What's with that box?"

"Oh! I gotta call Matthew!" He remembered, thinking that things in the fridge wouldn't be great to leave out for extended periods of time. Walking toward the pantry, he answered her question. "Long story. Can you call Matthew for me and just say 'I got the doll?" He asked.

She took his cellphone and did what he asked.

And as she was doing that, Alfred smiled once he saw the perfect new home for Casper. Grabbing it off the shelf, he walked out of the pantry and placed it next to the box. As (Name) was wrapping up the phone call, she looked at the box, flashing him on of her best 'What the fuck are you doing?' glances. "Oh, I kind of fudged up the doll so I need to give it a new one, duh." He said like this was common sense.

"So you're giving the doll the Captain Crunch box as a new home?" She pointed down at the box of cereal.

Alfred began taking the doll out of the box, hissing in hesitation while he saw the face of the white skinned doll. "It's not just any Captain Crunch, you know." He removed the doll from his hands and replaced it with the colorful box. "It's Oops All Berries. Big difference, learn it, baby, please."

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, Alfred."

Alfred looked at the box in a ponderous way. "Turns your poop green, though." He added while placing it back onto the countertop. Looking at the doll, he smiled. "C'mon! Get in your new home!"

"Alfred… Don't" She stammered, trying not to laugh at the full grown man cheering for a box of cereal and a porcelain doll he claimed held a Casper like ghost within the shell.

There was a knock at the door, causing the two to glance over towards the door hurriedly. "Can you get that? I'm a little busy." He said while turning his head back towards the doll while continuing the constant cheering towards the two inanimate objects.

(Name) walked to the door, seeing a dirty blonde hair peeking from the high window. She instantly knew who this man was. Turning the doorknob, she smiled. "Hey, what are you hear for?"

"Hey, (Name)." Arthur said, stepping into the house and sat it down on the floor by the door. "Matthew called me, telling me I need to check out this doll that Alfred has?"

(Name) rolled her (EyeColor) eyes. "Oh, that thing. Yeah, please take it while you're at it, too. I swear to god, that thing looked at me! Its eyes shinned and everything."

"Stop gossiping 'bout Casper!" Alfred had heard them, causing him to interrupt his encouragement.

And so, Arthur walked in the kitchen with Alfred, looking down at what he was doing. He glanced over toward (Name) with questionable eyes. She shrugged her shoulders, shaking her head while placing her hands onto her hips. "Hey, Alfred." He started. Alfred looked up at him. "…About you're doll…."

"She's perf, don't even start."

"No, I mean he's not a good cursed doll… I can tell."

"You're lying!" Alfred said while picking the doll up, looking at it in a ponderous way. "…Liberty Justice Freedom Jones is a beautiful bouncing baby girl." He cradled it, trying not to tense while he did so because he was starting to get scared of the face of the unsettling baby doll.

"Why'd you give it two middle names? That's pretty confusing. And out of them all, you _had_ to pick those? And oh my god, why did you say bouncing baby girl?" Arthur said, trying to take the doll away from Alfred who pulled it upward, away from the British man.

Alfred turned his back toward the two. "Oh my god why don't you shut up?!" He shouted, turning back around while he clenched at the dolls plastic.

Arthur sighed, looking over at the brief case he had brought in. He had brought many of his things from England to help with the ghost problems. But it seems that they'd serve as no use at the moment. Arthur didn't want it to be, so he figured he'd make a deal with Alfred who was cooing at the doll with tears in his eyes and a trembling lip.

They all knew Alfred was doing this to prove them wrong. "Hey, Alfred, if I can at least communicate with the ghost, then I'll leave you alone."

"Really!?" Alfred smiled, doll still in hand while he wiped his fear induced tears away with his free hand. "You mean it? You'll actually really leave?!"

Arthur nodded his head, a small smile along his lips while he thought 'What an ass.'

And with that, he went to retrieve his suitcase filled with things that he was surprised he wasn't questioned about at the airport. He was also pleasantly surprised that the items within the suitcase hadn't brought the plane down due to their magic and somewhat evil magic as well.

But that didn't matter since he was here and a live. Well, he can't exactly die, either. So he placed it onto the table while (Name) and Alfred sitting on either side of the table. "Wow! It's like a witchcraft fun kit on my table!" Alfred cheered, but then he realized something. "Oh…on my fucking table." He propped his head up with his hand. "In god we fucking trust, Arthur. In god we trust."

"I'll sprinkle some holy water on the table when I'm done." He sat down, taking out his Ouija board.

"No, you will pour it on my table. Wash my table in the lord. I don't want any… what are they called…?" Alfred put his finger on his chin, musing deeply. "Damion's! Yeah, I don't want any fucking Damion's running around in my house."

Arthur started to laugh and so did (Name). "You mean demons, sweetie." (Name) informed, but he rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, Arthur, please get started. I can't wait for you to leave." Alfred looked at the sticker on the board, seeing it was from Target. "What? We can witchcraft goods at Target? SEE! This is why WalMart is better!"

"Can you shut up so I can get started?!" Arthur hissed while putting the piece you would push around on the board on the blank section of the tan colored board. "Alright, everyone hold hands. I'm going to try to communicate without touching the piece.

"But that's gay." Alfred replied, holding (Name)'s hand.

Arthur snatched Alfred's hand, growling while he took (Name)'s other (Pale/Tan/Dark) hand. "Alfred! You're mom's gay! Now shut up and do as I say or I won't bless your table when we're done and leave my Voodoo magic in your house."

The blonde haired man with blue eyes obeyed.

"Can I try to communicate with the ghost?" Alfred asked.

"Oh, yeah sure!" Arthur said.

Alfred looked up toward the ceiling, trying to think of the entire playlists of the many movies that he's seen before, trying to piece together what word's he should say and do. Concluding that, majority of the time, they all look toward the ceiling because maybe the ghost was upstairs. Maybe it was using the shower or the toilet. They don't know so that's why you look toward Heaven 'cause Jesus has all the answers. God bless.

Alfred licked his lips, still looking up toward the ceiling. He got a little nervous; believing everyone thought he was trying to seduce Jesus. "Spirit, are you evil or nah?"

Arthur sighed; throwing his head down a bit while he groaned. He then tossed his head back up, looking in the same direction as the other just was. "Spirit, please make yourself noticeable this moment."

Alfred looked around the room somewhat franticly, trying to see if any movement would come from anything. "It's fine. Usually we'd have to ask more questions. Spirit who is upon us tonight, can you please give us a message on the board?"

And then, the piece started to move.

"Woe!" Alfred said, letting go of everyone's hands and pushing his chair back.

They all watched it, seeing a message starting to be spelled out on the board. Arthur looked up at the two, his face twisted with confusion and shock. "Fuck me."

"That's what the ghost said?" She asked while he nodded his head. "Oh god…"

"We have a succubus on our hands, everyone. That doll was in fact harboring a succubus."

And as Arthur said that, the Captain Crunch box had fallen over, hitting Alfred's shoulder as it fell. He yelped; not expecting the sudden attack from the ghost. "Oooo! TOO SPOOKY FOR ME!" He shouted, jumping out of the chair, while heading out of the kitchen. "No! No! I cannot deal! ARTHUR, YOU CAN LEAVE NOW."

"Calm down!" Arthur said, going after him. "What's your problem!? We've already figured out that it's a bad ghost. Let's get rid of it!"

"No!" He replied, turning around to look at the green eyed man. "I was just _attacked_! Arthur, I was just a-t-t-a….. c-c-e-d." He tried to spell it out, but failed.

Arthur sighed, taking a hold of Alfred's shoulders. "C'mon… Let's get this demon out of your house." He patted the other's shoulder while he looked down at the flooring.

But then, they heard a rustling from upstairs. They both twisted their heads and looked up the stair case, curious as to what the demon had in store for them now. "Arthur… W-what's that?" He asked, looking back toward the other blonde haired man.

He shrugged his shoulders while he started to take a step onto the carpeted stairs. "We need to figure out what it is." He suggested but Alfred shook his head, watching as (Name) came over toward the two.

"Stay away, (Name)!" He shouted while throwing his hands up, trying to keep (Name) away. "This is dangerous grounds, you're best of staying away since there is something is upstairs."

And so, that meant Arthur was the only one who would be going upstairs since the hero's bravery wasn't on point this evening.

As Arthur got to the second flooring, all he could think about was grabbing his book. He would always keep it in the back of his boxers. He was very thankful for this idea that the current Queen of England had given him. She had told him his rear was extremely flat, and by putting a book or some item underneath his boxers would certainly help. She had also told him that she did the same for quite some time and that was all Arthur needed to hear to make him do the same. They have a long running joke and call themselves the 'Booty Books'. This was amusing to the two, more so when Prince Harry was going through his crossing dressing phase and would ask for a 'beauty book'.

They gave each other a looks of amusement, knowing that this was their little secret. And they also told each other snitches get embalming fluid, so no one was to tell.

So he reached behind his back and grabbed his book, instantly feeling his pants fall to his ankles. Sighing, he pulled his pants back up and tied them loosely with his belt. He was expecting to put the book back soon anyway.

Flipping through the pages, he noticed that one was torn out. 'How odd…' He thought to himself while he observed the tear of the page, trying to think of who would pull such a page in such a section. The section that it was torn from was the 'mostly ghostly' section. Any spell from this section would turn the doer into a spirit.

He heard the rustling once again; it sounded like plastic. "W-Who's there!?" Arthur shouted and for a split second, the rustling stopped. "They're hereeeeeee." Arthur said, amusing himself with the movie reference.

But then, the rustling started once again. "It rubs the lotion on its skin; it does this whenever it's told." The spirits voice broke out, and it was a familiar voice, too.

Arthur was shocked, but couldn't put the voice to a face. "W-w-what!? You cannot have another movie reference go against my movie reference! If you do, then it at least hast to be the same movie!" He said, but the voice didn't reply to the comment other than another movie line from The Silence of the Lambs.

"It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again." He replied and then, from Alfred's bedroom the door cracked open, tossing a bottle of lotion toward Arthur, his book still in hand.

"What are you doing? What the hell!?"

"Now it puts the lotion in the basket." It continued, and then the door opened a little bit once again. And behind the closed door came out a plastic bag, but it already had something in it from the 'thump' it made once it hit the floor.

"I'm not going to listen to you! You're making this movie references dumb now!"

"PUT IT IN THE FUCKING BASKET!" He shouted, causing Arthur to groan loudly while he reached for the plastic WalMart bag.

Arthur was disgusted with what was in the bag. Inside the plastic bag that was apparently a basket now was a used fleshlight. He began to scream while he held it in his hand, and for some reason, he couldn't let go, which caused him to scream more.

And on the other side of the door, the spirit started to scream with him. Another The Silence of the Lambs reference.

"WHY!?" Arthur cried, falling to his knees while he saw the disgusting liquid inside the toy.

When he asked that, the door opened fully this time while a plastic blowup doll came into view. It stood still at the door, looking down at him, judgmentally. "Surprise, bitch." The doll said in the still familiar voice.

Arthur began to cry, looking up at him, confused. "W-W-Who are you!?"

But the doll didn't answer and stepped away from the door frame, its plastic painted on eyes became full of expression as its orbs began to move. "Your worst nightmare." It replied, placing its plastic hands on his shoulders.

Arthur screamed loudly; jumping up while he bolted toward the stairs. His pants fell down, revealing his naked rear to the monster blowup doll and the world. And as he ran down the stairs, all the two saw was him with his pants down with a magic fleshlight stuck in his hands while a blowup doll chased after him.

"HELP! HELP! IT'S GOING TO KILL ME!" He screamed while he ran to the kitchen table, the doll still behind him while it allowed its arms to flail in the cold air inside the house. "Alfred! (Name)! Help!" He screamed while the blowup doll cornered him.

Alfred then got a bright idea.

He ran back up the stairs and into his room. Running to the closet, he grabbed the nearest item he had that he knew could pop the blowup doll.

"What are you doing!?" (Name) shouted when he came back from down the stairs. "The doll is just squirting Arthur in lotion now!" She added, but Alfred didn't listen to her while he stomped into the kitchen, nearly triumphantly; he knew he would win against the doll.

"It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again!" The doll muttered, squirting the white lotion onto Arthur's pale face. Rub it on your skin!" He commanded.

Arthur then took his free hand, rubbing it on his face. The blowup doll ghost was pleased.

But then, Arthur felt a sharp pain in his abdomen. And then, the blowup doll had stopped talking and moving while it fell limp on top of Arthur. "I feel…." It paused, taking a deep breath. "..cold." It now made another movie reference, which Arthur was beginning to believe was tasteless and unoriginal.

But the sound of gunshots didn't stop. "A-A-Alfred! STOP!" He shouted and the firing stopped.

And once the blowup doll's life was taken, the fleshlight fell from his pale hands and onto the floor where the substance inside of the toy had magically disappeared. The British man looked up, seeing an assault rifle had accompanied his hands. "…Good thing I'm a fucking country unlike Peter." He pushed the plastic onto the floor.

(Name) came next to Alfred, holding his hand while they all saw something form onto the floor; it taking a human form. "What is that?..." She asked, seeing it take the shape of a man-bear.

"Its… Its… RUSSIA!?" Arthur said, trying to pull his pants up quickly since his 'dingly bits' were flaunting in the room. (Name) or Ivan needed to see such improper things.

"Da, it's me." He said, placing his hand on his back where the bullets from the gun had pierced him. "I make joke, right?"

"YOU RIPPED MY BOOK!" Arthur informed, making him nod his head.

"World Meeting. I wanted to be funny and play Halloween joke on America. I was funny, da?"

And then, they all started to laugh because it was, indeed, a perfect Halloween prank. Alfred and Ivan slapped each other on the back a few times like friends would do, (Name) laughed and pulled Alfred close while peeking a small kiss on his cheek and Ivan slapped Arthur on his bum. But Ivan had gotten pierced by Arthur's bone since the book wasn't there just yet to protect it.

But when the laughing stopped, Ivan had another thing to say. "But in all seriousness, I play with gas pipes and won."


End file.
